lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize