So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
