If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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