I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
