Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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