We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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