So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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