...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
