i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
