i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
