it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
