You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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