I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
