Umm I'm too high to move.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
