No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
