I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He better not be in your backpack
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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