We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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