I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
