Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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