I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my liver is dry heaving
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize