Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
