Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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