Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
