yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
