I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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