It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
