Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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