By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
