Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
organizing the empties. That sober.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
