i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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