made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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