he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
