You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
