Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
