Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
