When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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