Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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