I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
