i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
