i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
