It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
