Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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