If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
