Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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