Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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