As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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