if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize