No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
