I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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