trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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