I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
