i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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