never play flip cup with pint glasses
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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