If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
