Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
