hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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