Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
