Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
