Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
