You really coming over, don't trick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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