Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
