In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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