we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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