Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
