dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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