If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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