Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
