Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
