your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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