i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
