He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
