Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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